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If You Go Down to the Woods today... by Theran

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If you go down to the woods today

This is my first attempt at a mission report so if I get some of the details confused or mixed up then I beg your patience.

Our party consisted of myself, Harlequin, Kylar, Kyle, Scarlett, Valin, Renown and  Kurt. While I know the professions of some I was unclear as to the specific paths that they follow. I know Harlequin is a wizard of great power, Renown is a pathfinder keen of eye (and has a somewhat warped sense of humour) Kylar and Valin both follow the path of the Reapers Kyle is a warrior of great skill and Kurt is a knight errant of the crusaders. Scarlett has yet to choose her path, this was her first time out of the Tower, but she showed herself to be a warrior of considerable strength.

Our mission began with the purpose of finding two people who had been sent out to commune with the fairies, to enquire on their general wellbeing, their continued allegiances and overall strength. They had been missing for some time and the Marketplace had requested help in finding them.

Our guide was one Pat O’Pious  and he led us toward the forest where the two  had last been seen heading. Kylar took leadership of the party and sent Renown on ahead to scout.

Our first encounter was with some very strange creatures. Renown reported that they were large, dangerous chickens. Some of the party had their doubts, due mostly to the fact that none of the creatures looked like chickens and they were meowing but I’ve seen stranger things in Orin Rakatha, it was dark and Renown was our scout so let us take him at his word. The vicious meowing chickens attacked and we slaughtered them to the last feather.

Our next encounter was with a group of people hiding in the forest, I know little of what happened during that encounter since I realised almost immediately that one sword stroke from their weapons would probably go a long way to cleaving me in two, I’m not ashamed to admit that I stepped into the trees and waited out the fighting. Frankly I will never be afraid to admit it, I may miss some details but at night, without a clear shot from my crossbow or any real damaging invocations, the best way to serve my party is to make sure that they don’t have to drag my corpse around or expend any healing power to keep me alive. It’s a hard sacrifice but one I will always be willing to make.

We moved further into the woods and encountered someone even stranger, The first fairy I have ever met was a large bearded and bald woman named Tinkerbell who spent a lot of time complaining about her nipples. Renown was keen to see her and Harlequin in some form of intimate relations, fortunately for the party’s sanity (and eyesight) Harlequin politely declined the request. Tinkerbell explained that she had given our two heralds the ability to see ‘what could not be seen’ and sent them into the woods. She told us that there was a great corruption in the world of the fairies and she needed some hardy adventurers to deal with the problem. Then she threw some fairy dust over us, in essence volunteering us for the task, and told us what we had to do.

A pirate by the name of Captain Claw, had found several cursed coins and they had given his pirates invulnerability, he was using his newfound strength to take over a place called Neverland which, in turn, was upsetting the balance in the world of the fairies, corrupting them. We had to get the coins back from his, deliver them to someone called the sea-hag so we could break the enchantment and then kill Captain Claw.

Why is that we never get to go out of the Tower, do what we were sent out to do, and then go home? Life in Orin Rakatha is very strange, I doubt you can buy a loaf of bread outside the Tower without getting roped into some kind of adventure or quest.

She gave us some directions to a nearby tavern where we would find the first of the people we had been sent out to find. Off we went and soon arrived at the inn. We then met Miss Barnacle Footpin, one of the people we had been sent out to find, and she informed us that her brother, a half stone troll (don’t ask, we didn’t know how that happened and we didn’t want to find out) had left the tavern and she didn’t know where he had gone. We took dinner in the apparent safety of the tavern and hoped for a quiet night before we set out on our new mission. Let’s face the truth head on, we knew things were not going to be that simple, anyone who’s ever left the Tower on any kind of adventure knows it’s never that easy, but we can always hope, right? Wrong.

Miss Barnacle told us that a group of pirates had taken one of the cursed coins and left not long before we arrived so we set out to talk to them. They were quite drunk when we found them and, in true valley character, we attempted calm, reasonable diplomacy.

Once we’d looted the corpses and found no coins we went looking for their captain.

When we met Captain Swallows he was far more understanding and a lot more drunk. In exchange for more grog he gave us his coin and we left him to go his own way, slowly and with some difficulty.

We then went back to the tavern sure in the knowledge that we would have no more trouble for the rest of the night.

The first group of people to attack were a party of pirates, and the fact that they were shouting ‘For the Claw!’ led us to believe that they were not there for polite conversation and a bit of grog. We piled out of the tavern, killed them all, then went back to our cups.

Group two were a party of fairies in funny hats demanding that we ‘send out the injuns’ since we had no injuns to send out Renown, knowing that these fairies were the understanding, compassionate sort, volunteered me as the party’s token injun for them. While they were thinking about that we slaughtered them all and finally retired to bed.

The next morning we had breakfast with some far more reasonable pirates, killed some more people, and set out to find some more of the cursed coins.

The first people we met were led by a woman who called herself Wendy. She did quite a bit of talking with Harlequin, the long and short of which was that she wanted us to swear our enmity for someone called Peter Pan. We were unwilling to commit to anything at that time, she was still very insistent.

They actually had some of the coins and once we wiped the blood off them we went on our way.

Next there were a number of people and creatures guarding the path.
We asked to be let through.
They said no.
We killed them.

At the end of the path we found our first injun, their tribe’s leader no less, and he told us that we could have his coins if we completed one of two challenges, either fight his boar in hand to hoof combat or play a game of charades he would give us his coins. Our warriors we feeling strong, our wizard was mighty, I was almost competent so we took the greater challenge.

The charades began and we had to guess three names of their greatest tribal heroes. I can’t remember the names exactly but I think they were Meowing Chicken (Renown’s skill as a pathfinder was justified), Sprinting Crocodile and Flying Rabbit. We received the leader’s coins and a token to give to Peter Pan to tell him that we were friends. Since we’d killed Pan’s rivals this seemed like a logical course of action.

We met the funny hats again, Renown put forth his token injun idea but the party decided against sending me out for a chat. Us alive, them dead.

Our next encounter was with the Elders of the fairies, already partially corrupted by the deeds of Captain Claw. We talked (just talked this time (yes, we can just talk to people, don’t be so disbelieving)) and they told us that the name of the sea-hag was actually Calypso, the locations of most of the other coins and they gave us the boon of being able to kill the pirates of Captain Claw, if only for a time. They gave us their coins and we returned to the tavern for lunch.

Pirates came to dine with us, we ate, killed some people and went out on our quest once more.

Next we ran into a group of fairies who called themselves ‘lost boys’ who were busy playing a game they called skullball. We tried to go passed them, they wouldn’t let us, we were bored of killing people so we challenged them to a game. They won the first round but in the second we fought valiantly, with skill poise and some luck (well, mostly luck) and we won. It was one all with the final round to play, breath was baited, our honour as gallant adventurers was at stake, our skills were about to be tested to their limits. Then the lost boys decided it was too dark to play outside anymore and let us pass.

Peter Pan was the next coin-holder to be found, he was actually nice, we not only got a coin from him but also some blood that would heal our wounds. The fact that he had a vampiric spirit in his body and the blood itself was probably tainted was overlooked, it didn’t really seem important at the time.

On our way back to the tavern we finally met the second person we’d been sent out to find, Miss Footpin’s half stone troll brother. He stubbornly refused to come back to the tavern with us despite the fact that we told him we were friends of his sister and that we had been sent to bring him back to the Tower. So we used some fairy dust to trick him and continued on.

Our next stop was the fairy queen who was also friendly and reasonable. We were immediately on our guard, two reasonable people (three if you count the stone troll) one after the other? But we received her coins and were allowed on our way without attack or violence of any kind. Nervously we went on our way back to the tavern where Miss Footpin’s brother was put to sleep by Tinkerbell and locked in an attic. Our mission was complete, well, the original one at least.

The fact that we had met three sensible people on our way home was still disturbing us, but then we were attacked again and felt a lot better. Several of the ‘funny hats’ arrived at the door of the tavern and demanded another injun. When Renown tried to volunteer me once more he had a bit of a problem, I was off meditating in a safe place so the party immediately started the carnage and went back inside.

Next came our worst encounter to date, another captain called Blackbeard, who wanted the coins to ‘take to a safe place.’ At this point I had most of the coins, it was too dark to use my crossbow, so I decided to make myself scarse. I already had the perfect place to hide so it would have been a waste not to use it again. This time however I actually did try to help. I saw one of our attackers casting an invocation so I sent a friendly power hammer her way, unfortunately it had no effect on her but it did let the enemy know where I was. I was attacked, I ran away and got back to our lines. Then I realised that Blackbeard’s group were standing under a very bright torch and that the tavern had a back entrance. I ran into the tavern, got my crossbow and joined in the fight.

We healed up after that little skirmish and left the tavern for what we hoped would be the last part of our journey. We met a group of mermaids locked behind a ward and found out that they had the last of the coins that we needed to complete the set. They offered both coins in return for one of us staying with them for all eternity. We attempted a counter proposal; if we let them out of their prison they would give us one coin, if we would allow them to follow us to Calypso we would receive the second.

We let them out, they renaged on the deal, we’d seen that coming a mile off so… If you can’t guess what happened next you haven’t been paying attention.

With the last of the coins in our possession we left to find Calypso. She wasn’t far away and almost seemed to be expecting us. In return for her services we each had to give up something precious to us, either a secret or a skill. With the price paid she cast her ritual to render Captain Claw and his pirates mortal once more. Then they came to attack us, which saved us a bit of a walk. It was a mighty battle, some of our great warriors fell before the blades of our enemies but their guardian spirits held their souls until their bodies had somewhat healed and they rejoined the fight. Even I tried my hand with the sword that night but I got hit a lot, was saved by my guardian spirit and as soon as I could I hid behind a hut and waited for the fighting to be over.

The fearsome Captain Claw was the last to fall to the blades of our warriors and once his body hit the ground we were victorious. Our adventure complete we returned to the tavern to celebrate our success. Not long after our return Peter Pan and Tinkerbell joined us, in the full light of the tavern candles, once again with much complaining about her nipples. Truly while our mission was complete the horrors of the night were not over, some things just can’t be unseen! She promised that the corruption of Neverland would fade by morning and we would return to the normal Orin Rakatha. Then she took Peter Pan away to suck the vampiric spirit out of his body, I have a fairly good imagination, I wish I didn’t.

That is the story of our weird, complicated, adventure or killing spree with a bit of talking now and then. I would just like to add one final thought:

If you think any wrong of our actions or deeds just remember one thing; It was all Tinkerbell’s fault!
Last Updated on Tuesday, 18 February 2014 22:03

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